Splice

 

    Boy and girl scientists (Clive and Elsa) make a lovable couple. They have the privilege of directing the well funded NERD lab. The lab’s responsibility is to discover which DNA from several species can co-exist so that super drugs can then be extracted. Well, that’s all very nice, but we want to see how freaky looking of a creature can be stirred up, and more importantly, how sexy will this beast be when she becomes woman.

    Those funding the lab are unimpressed with the boneless blobs that the lab has created, and the lab is forced into taking an unfavorable commercial direction. Elsa is not going to stand for this. Fortunately for her, those funding the research do nothing other than give directives to redirect the scientist’s intentions. All the equipment (including a rubber embryonic sack) remains at their disposal…as if ambitious researchers would just put all these cool toys away, and be content with “…digging through monkey poop for the next five years.”

    The kids take the goop that was suppose to have been destroyed to a deserted part of the lab (most labs have these remote areas that nobody ever goes) and keep stirring until they reach conception. What seems not long enough later, Rabbit Face is born (she’s later given the name Dren). Including the ankle and hip joints, there are four joints to her legs, but the adorable creature has no arms (they do pop out as stumpy flippers and grow into real arms as she develops). As adorable as the creature may be, she comes well equipped with a cat killing whippy-stinger.

     From the very start, Clive wants to kill the beast and cut it open. Elsa says she wants to feed it breath mints. Dren is allowed to grow, and does so at an accelerated rate; learning, adapting…and then getting sick. The fact that Dren is a caldron of species, she possesses the ability to wail, very loudly, in about six or eight barnyard/jungle noises. Clive can’t stand being a parent anymore and drowns the miserable beast in a tub of water. But as you might expect, the eyes of evil pop back open.

 

 

    Clive and Elsa take Dren to a remote barn. Clive dances with her, and figures out the secret Elsa’s been hiding; because by now, Dren has become woman…and yah buddy, she’s damn sexy. Clive can’t help himself. He works his love-making magic so well that the she-beast changes into a he-beast, and then goes after Elsa. Clive spoils their moment with a jealous spear through Dren’s torso. But the beast not unfazed. It’s Elsa who manages to give the final skull crushing blow which kills the beast. Unfortunately, it’s too late for Clive; he was the recipient of a fatal thump from the whippy-stinger in the final battle.

Splice 2 was set up in the final scene; a pregnant Elsa is discussing her terms to carry her very own freak of nature to full term. I’m sorta hoping she’ll spill her offspring like a guppy…about a thousand of them, and they scatter like flung B.B.s.